The path of least resistance June 12, 2015Posted by Judy in Sewing projects.
Tags: breast cancer, decisions, fibroid, healthcare, uterus
I’ve always been fascinated with the way water moves. It just flows and bubbles and gurgles along, generally taking the path of least resistance. I sort of think of water as being practical, not working too hard to break through dams and blockages. Instead, it just meanders to another spot where there is less resistance and keeps on flowing.
My healthcare for the past 18 months hasn’t been very practical, taken the path of most resistance. (Is that even a saying? Probably not. I think I just made that up!) That’s going to change next week, though. Next week, I’m taking the path of least resistance. Some of you have asked what I’ve decided to do about the impressively large fibroid that’s taken up residence.
I’m taking the path of least resistance.
While a full blown hysterectomy would take care of the fibroid, it would also wreak all sorts of havoc, upsetting the applecart, forcing me to amend my plans. And I have plans for this summer. Plans to paint and build and design and garden and customize our house. Plans that I’ve been working on for five months. I’m not willing to give up those plans or put them on hold. “But wait,” you say, “why can’t you just do the surgery after your plans have come to fruition?”
Because I’m taking the path of least resistance.
Having the big surgery would mean weeks of recovery. Weeks of being unable to do projects with the babes. Weeks of being “not quite myself”. Weeks of not being able to wear the 2.5 year old. And yes, I still wear my youngest in a baby carrier. I hear the words, “Mommy, be carrier with you.” every. single. day. I sort of thought we’d be done with the daily wearing by this point, but the Little Boss doesn’t agree. He’s always been my super velcro baby supreme, so I shouldn’t be surprised. He has, however, been extra clingy the past few months and most of the time, I’m the only one that is good enough. It’s exhausting, but sweet all at once. It’s pretty clear to me that babywearing is still important for him. In many ways, I think it’s more important to him than nursing was. I’m not willing to take that away from him. While he was a trooper with the speed weaning, I’m not sure he’d fare as well with a sudden moratorium on being worn in a carrier.
Hence, I’m taking the path of least resistance.
Having major surgery would be another big change to add to the big changes resulting from the past 18 months. The difference here is that this change isn’t strictly necessary. I’m not going to die if I don’t have a hysterectomy. Death could have been a very real possibility, however, if I had chosen to not have breast surgery. Whether or not to have surgery was a decision that had to be made “right now or else”. The pressure to make the correct decision was huge, yet I only had a short amount of time to contemplate the options. The pressure to deal with the fibroid was also huge, until I realized that it was self-imposed. Now that I’ve stepped back, I see that this isn’t a decision that has to be made immediately. It isn’t a life or death decision . For the first time in over a year, I have full control over the when and how of my heath. That realization is empowering.
And so, I’m taking the path of least resistance.
Having the fibroid embolized will likely not be a panacea. I’m okay with that. My hope is that the embolization will buy me time. It will be a stop gap measure to get me through this summer. To get me through to the end of the Little Boss’s babywearing days. To get me through a year of relatively good health. (I say a year since I’ll be revisiting the “to operate or not” issue again next summer.)
But for now, I’m taking the path of least resistance.
Next Wednesday is probably going to be awful. The doctor made it very clear that this will be painful, but only for a day or two. I can handle that. I mean, come on, I’ve given birth to four babies, this can’t be worse than that, right?
I’ll just meander on over and take the path of least resistance.