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It’s all a lie!

Yep, that’s right folks, you heard it here first . . .. it’s all a lie, everything they tell you in the how-to-deliver-a-baby books, and even the parenting books.  How did I reach this stunning conclusion, you ask?  Personal experience!  So with NOR, I didn’t actually think I was in labor for like 2 hours since what I was experiencing was NOTHING like what I had read about in any book.  (And I read every book our library had on babies and midwifery and delivery, etc.)

On the parenting side, pretty much nothing we’ve read about baby development, temperament, sleeping, eating, etc has been applicable to our little guy.  Either he’s a total anomaly (which I’m thinking is not likely), or it’s all a lie! (the more probable answer)  The books all say “babies will sleep through the night around 3-4 months, when when you can start giving them cereal right before to keep them full.”  Yeah right, try 14 months, and it had nothing to do with hunger, that’s for sure. Or how about his one:  “babies need routine, so try to set up a bedtime and naptime routine”.  You’re kidding right?  Even when we set up a routine, NOR didn’t seem to care whether or not we followed it.  I could go on, but you get the point.

Fast forward to the present delivery . . . since NOR came so quickly (7 hours or so), the midwife said that this one will be much shorter, like 3 or 4 hours.  I’m thinking, sweet!  (Plus, all the books say that subsequent deliveries are MUCH shorter.)  Well, they leave one thing out (willful omission of info is a lie as far as I’m concerned) . . . .  they don’t tell you that you can have surprisingly painful Braxton-Hicks for hours, days, even WEEKS before you actually go into labor.  Well, IMHO, if you are experiencing painful contractions, that counts as labor!  *sigh*  Maybe someday I’ll write a book:  “The definitive pregnancy and parenting book”.  It’ll be quite short, maybe some fun pictures and links to interesting websites with one chapter entitled, “Don’t believe anything you read, because your experience will inevitably be totally different.”  Think the book would sell?

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