Coming clean

I’ve decided I need to come clean.  I’ve been lying to most of you all summer.  If you’ve asked me how I was doing or how I was feeling, and I said, “Good, things are going really well,” I was lying to you.  Well, not flat out, bold-faced lying.  More like only-telling-half-the-truth lying.  You see, my body has been doing much better this summer than it was back in April-May.  My mind, on the other hand, has been a complete train wreck.  I’ve spent most of the summer either angry or profoundly sad.  I discovered several things this week.

1.  My schedule changed drastically this summer.  I went from being busier than I thought imaginable with school, work, etc., to having nothing on the calendar.  I suddenly had lots of time to think and contemplate what my life has become.
2. My depression decided to rear it’s ugly head again this summer, which only made the life contemplations worse.
3. I’m a different person than I was last summer, when MBC was new.  I’m thoroughly exhausted from constantly fighting the MBC fire.  This exhaustion makes me lack patience to deal with any other challenges.

I’ve decided that enough is enough.  I’m done with being an emotional wreck.  So step one is to get the depression under control.  The next step is to stop trying to manage other people’s emotions about my disease.  This means not glossing things over when people ask how I’m doing.  Seems like there should be a third step, right?  I don’t have one.  This is a good start,though.  Get ready for the good, bad, and ugly.