A Diva Moment

Oh, the pain! April 2, 2018

Oh my goodness gracious . . . . . so. much. pain. I’ve been up since 1 with bone pain. I always said that if I ever went metastatic, I wouldn’t want bone mets, because it’s the most painful one. Of course, it’s also the one that allows you to stay alive longer, so it’s a big tossup. I’m here to tell you that the pain is intense.

I got up and walked around, which is the only thing that made it better. But my legs are weak and tired, so I couldn’t really keep that up. I had to wait 45 before I could take any pain meds, then I loaded up. But the pain was still there. I couldn’t lay down, couldn’t sit, couldn’t stand, so I just tossed and turned in bed and moaned and groaned. Eventually, hubs woke up when The Loose Cannon asked me what I was doing. “My body hurts, buddy.” We got up, and then I just melted down sobbing. No, not sobbing, crying, and hiccuping and gasping. It might have been wailing had it not been 2 in the morning. I cried harder than I’ve cried in a long time. I cried because I hurt so much. I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. Hubs held me. The Loose Cannon held me. They prayed for me. My mom got up, because mom’s are tuned in to hearing the moaning and crying and finding out what is going on with their child, even when said child is 41.

Once I got a hold of my crying, we starting walking around the dresser island, my little 3 generational support entourage and I. After about half an hour, things seemed better, so we decided to try going back to bed. But as you can see, it’s almost 4 am I’m still up. I’m not desperate to get the pain to stop, but it’s still present, and I’m not sure I can get comfortable sleeping, so I’m online getting things done instead.

I need stronger meds. Meds that will fool my brain into thinking that the pain is not there. Thankfully, I see the doctor in a few hours.